Rabbits Full of Magic

17 February 2012

 

Revolution X: Rock and Roll Videogaming in the Late 20th Century


Joe Perry flies up to the moon on a rocket powered guitar.

O my droogies, your friend and humble narrator has found in his rabbit of a quest for the "Plan 9 From Outer Space" of the 1990's interactive entertainment superhighway the most glorious b-film fantasy of rock n roll decadence. "Revolution X" was an arcade shooter released in 1994 with the full cooperation of classic rockers Aerosmith. This video game is an awesome waste of time and a decadently trashy retro guilty pleasure.

It was made by Midway, the team responsible for what I can only imagine is the best "Terminator 2: Judgement Day" game ever, and "Mortal Kombat", that video-capture orgy of blood, decapitations, and pep-rally worthy techno. "Mortal Kombat" was crucified alongside "Night Trap", "Lethal Enforcers", and "Doom" by the U.S. Congress for all being sick and perverse and ultra-violent. (To cure us of red or pink pixel attack congressional hearings were held, the ESRB was born, and the Gulf War reboot was just a twinkle in W's eye.)

In the wake of all of that comes "Revolution X" (why? cos it's GENERATION X dude). Yes, this game has the brain of any heterosexual teenage grunge-era male hormone factory that grew up in that wonderful decade of alternative rock and Presidential Blow Jobs. Perhaps Midway took stock of where the market was going and decided to go Full Id with this masterpiece of schlock. It's a dystopian rail shooter in the style of "Area: 51", and there are many reasons to love this game:

-It starts with someone yelling at you "Wake up! The Revolution has begun! Generation X is in full effect!" Totally awesome!

-FM rock penetrates this dimension. Like Skynet transmitting loops of FM radio wave emissions. In the game, sprites of Aerosmith perform looped karaoke segments while 90's Playboy bikini models loop-dance to the music. Despite all the rampant sexism in this game you cannot actually kill any of women, which is nice.

-You're fighting 90s Post-apocalyptic police, rollerblading mercenaries, mutant mad scientists, and shuriken-throwing Power Rangers-style ninjas all dressed like silly "Batman and Robin" rejects for you to shoot at, resulting in fountains of 16-bit blood. Also you fight giant skulls made of green slime.

-The cage dancers in pink bikinis will give you a kiss and say "You're my hero!" if you free them. This is right before you completely destroy the club's PA system, but Aerosmith doesn't care, they keep playing! At least up until being interrupted by dystopian dictator-slash-fetishist Mistress Helga, who points her finger at you and pouts "Stop this now if you don't want to deal with me!" like an upset middle school teacher. She has a Bettie Page haircut, a whip, and a hilarious British accent.


One of the coolest moments in any videogame ever.

-Steven Tyler has the ability to come out of his TV set and throw you the keys to his Lamborghini. In the first of many laughable cutscenes he tells you "Remember, Music is the Weapon." While in his dressing room you can shoot out beer and liquor bottles and destroy his scented candles while his song "Eat the Rich" plays on the soundtrack. Isn't it ironic.

-In the first level you catch him making out with a groupie and this is especially funny since Steven Tyler was married at the time this game came out. And he had 3 kids, one of whom turned out to play Arwen, daughter of Elrond and Celebrían in "The Lord of the Rings".

-You shoot CDs and Laserdiscs as weapons, so Steven Tyler wasn't lying when he talked to you before throwing you car keys from inside a TV screen.

-Joe Perry flies up to the moon on a rocket powered guitar.

-A loop of the bass line to "Sweet Emotion" is really some of the coolest between level music ever. While it plays, you hear the finest vintage modem noise and 'Hack into the system' to find out how much collateral you've caused. Rescued hostages may pop up to kiss and tell you, "You're the best!"

-All of the band members pop up on your Lamborghini's Interactive CD-Video player between missions to advance the ridiculous story. They are all pretty funny and the nonsense they babble makes it seem like they are all on different kinds of drugs. For more on their involvement with the game, Youtube has a four-part Making of Revolution X that opens with a shot of an Aerosmith tattoo on some girl's ass.

-You have to destroy a schoolbus that was converted to a tank. It's at a Middle East compound where buxom 90s babes in cutoffs work sledgehammers in a desert junkyard of arcade games, busted TVs, and guitars on fire. Tyler can't resist an Alice Cooper shout out, and shouts "School's out! Forever!"

-During the course of the game he also tries channeling James Brown to shout "Let's go!", "Don't give up!", "Nice shot!", "That's powerful stuff!", "Now you've got protection!", "I feel good!" and "Toasty!" (in homage to "Mortal Kombat 2"). Every time someone says something in this game it is hilarious.


Helga's No No's

-Head Mistress Helga appears on a huge Matrix-sized stack of TVs in the last level, commanding that "You will obey!" and shouting "How dare you!" and barking sexy as you shoot out the screens. This HS teacher-style dominatrix with X-treme attitude is teenage frustration incarnate. She is portrayed by Kerri Hoskins, who was a cheerleader in "NBA Jam" and Sonya Blade in "Mortal Kombat 3".

-If you win the game, finding all of the members of Aerosmith hidden throughout, you get to see them play "Walk This Way". You then go to hang out backstage, where Steven Tyler holds out his arms and beautiful women instinctively flock to him like the salmon of Capistrano.



As far as gameplay goes, it gets old shooting the bosses for as long as you have to, but the surreal "Mortal Kombat"-style atmosphere really enhances your journey into Alternate History 199X. You can shoot out pretty much anything anywhere, the screen often blossoming into cascades of animated shattering glass.

I really liked the challenge of the Middle East level, where you have to destroy a SchoolBusTank and have to speed up and slow down to catch it because you're driving alongside. Alas, if you see a "Revolution X" arcade artifact glowing in real life like some undead specter, and you want to beat, it be prepared to loose a lot of money. The level bosses are particularly gratuitous, and it is at these sections where "Revolution X" literally robs you at gunpoint.

Still, it is good to have all this at your fingertips, what with emulators and all. Do yourself a favor if you want to check this game out and try and get the arcade version. MAME plays it. It makes me want to go back in time and tell my 13-year-old self about the future, where you can play any arcade ultraviolence ever made with infinite quarters and without leaving your home.


Archives

Mar 1, 2007   Mar 4, 2007   Mar 15, 2007   Mar 18, 2007   Mar 27, 2007   Apr 4, 2007   Apr 5, 2007   Apr 7, 2007   Apr 11, 2007   Apr 14, 2007   Apr 18, 2007   Apr 20, 2007   Aug 8, 2008   Aug 12, 2008   Aug 16, 2008   Aug 17, 2008   Aug 20, 2008   Aug 21, 2008   Aug 22, 2008   Aug 25, 2008   Aug 29, 2008   Sep 2, 2008   Sep 6, 2008   Sep 19, 2008   Sep 28, 2008   Sep 30, 2008   Oct 1, 2008   Oct 9, 2008   Oct 16, 2008   Oct 21, 2008   Nov 1, 2008   Nov 12, 2008   Nov 13, 2008   Nov 18, 2008   Nov 19, 2008   Nov 22, 2008   Nov 29, 2008   Dec 2, 2008   Dec 8, 2008   Dec 9, 2008   Dec 19, 2008   Jan 5, 2009   Jan 8, 2009   Jan 14, 2009   Jan 16, 2009   Jan 17, 2009   Jan 18, 2009   Jan 21, 2009   Jan 24, 2009   Jan 25, 2009   Feb 2, 2009   Feb 4, 2009   Feb 8, 2009   Feb 9, 2009   Feb 11, 2009   Feb 15, 2009   Feb 16, 2009   Feb 19, 2009   Feb 21, 2009   Feb 23, 2009   Feb 24, 2009   Feb 25, 2009   Mar 1, 2009   Mar 2, 2009   Mar 5, 2009   Mar 12, 2009   Mar 14, 2009   Mar 16, 2009   Mar 19, 2009   Mar 20, 2009   Mar 23, 2009   Mar 26, 2009   Mar 29, 2009   Apr 1, 2009   Apr 2, 2009   Apr 7, 2009   Apr 8, 2009   Apr 11, 2009   Apr 13, 2009   Apr 15, 2009   Apr 20, 2009   Apr 22, 2009   Apr 23, 2009   Apr 25, 2009   Apr 29, 2009   May 3, 2009   May 13, 2009   May 16, 2009   May 18, 2009   May 21, 2009   May 22, 2009   May 23, 2009   May 26, 2009   May 27, 2009   May 30, 2009   May 31, 2009   Jun 1, 2009   Jun 3, 2009   Jun 6, 2009   Jun 7, 2009   Jun 11, 2009   Jun 14, 2009   Jun 18, 2009   Jun 23, 2009   Jun 24, 2009   Jun 25, 2009   Jun 27, 2009   Jul 2, 2009   Jul 3, 2009   Jul 7, 2009   Jul 16, 2009   Jul 19, 2009   Jul 20, 2009   Jul 23, 2009   Jul 25, 2009   Jul 26, 2009   Jul 29, 2009   Aug 2, 2009   Aug 5, 2009   Aug 7, 2009   Aug 8, 2009   Aug 15, 2009   Aug 20, 2009   Aug 22, 2009   Aug 27, 2009   Sep 1, 2009   Sep 4, 2009   Sep 6, 2009   Sep 8, 2009   Sep 13, 2009   Sep 17, 2009   Sep 22, 2009   Sep 27, 2009   Sep 30, 2009   Oct 2, 2009   Oct 6, 2009   Oct 13, 2009   Oct 17, 2009   Oct 19, 2009   Oct 28, 2009   Oct 30, 2009   Nov 1, 2009   Nov 2, 2009   Nov 4, 2009   Nov 10, 2009   Nov 15, 2009   Nov 19, 2009   Nov 23, 2009   Nov 24, 2009   Nov 25, 2009   Nov 27, 2009   Nov 30, 2009   Dec 3, 2009   Dec 8, 2009   Dec 13, 2009   Dec 15, 2009   Dec 18, 2009   Dec 23, 2009   Dec 24, 2009   Jan 1, 2010   Jan 2, 2010   Jan 3, 2010   Jan 4, 2010   Jan 6, 2010   Jan 7, 2010   Jan 11, 2010   Jan 19, 2010   Jan 24, 2010   Jan 29, 2010   Jan 30, 2010   Jan 31, 2010   Feb 1, 2010   Feb 4, 2010   Feb 5, 2010   Feb 8, 2010   Feb 12, 2010   Feb 13, 2010   Feb 14, 2010   Feb 15, 2010   Feb 22, 2010   Feb 23, 2010   Feb 26, 2010   Feb 28, 2010   Mar 5, 2010   Mar 6, 2010   Mar 8, 2010   Mar 9, 2010   Mar 12, 2010   Mar 13, 2010   Mar 14, 2010   Mar 18, 2010   Mar 20, 2010   Mar 25, 2010   Mar 28, 2010   Mar 29, 2010   Mar 30, 2010   Apr 1, 2010   Apr 6, 2010   Apr 9, 2010   Apr 16, 2010   Apr 18, 2010   Apr 23, 2010   Apr 28, 2010   May 1, 2010   May 2, 2010   May 3, 2010   May 5, 2010   May 6, 2010   May 12, 2010   May 13, 2010   May 15, 2010   May 17, 2010   May 24, 2010   May 27, 2010   May 30, 2010   Jun 3, 2010   Jun 7, 2010   Jun 8, 2010   Jun 9, 2010   Jun 10, 2010   Jun 14, 2010   Jun 16, 2010   Jun 17, 2010   Jun 18, 2010   Jun 20, 2010   Jun 21, 2010   Jun 22, 2010   Jun 24, 2010   Jun 25, 2010   Jun 26, 2010   Jun 27, 2010   Jun 29, 2010   Jun 30, 2010   Jul 4, 2010   Jul 5, 2010   Jul 8, 2010   Jul 9, 2010   Jul 11, 2010   Jul 12, 2010   Jul 13, 2010   Jul 15, 2010   Jul 19, 2010   Jul 21, 2010   Jul 23, 2010   Jul 26, 2010   Jul 29, 2010   Jul 30, 2010   Aug 8, 2010   Aug 13, 2010   Aug 14, 2010   Aug 20, 2010   Aug 21, 2010   Aug 27, 2010   Sep 1, 2010   Sep 9, 2010   Sep 15, 2010   Sep 17, 2010   Sep 24, 2010   Sep 27, 2010   Oct 2, 2010   Oct 3, 2010   Oct 4, 2010   Oct 8, 2010   Oct 11, 2010   Oct 21, 2010   Oct 22, 2010   Oct 28, 2010   Oct 29, 2010   Nov 1, 2010   Nov 6, 2010   Nov 12, 2010   Nov 13, 2010   Nov 17, 2010   Nov 22, 2010   Nov 25, 2010   Nov 27, 2010   Dec 5, 2010   Dec 8, 2010   Dec 10, 2010   Dec 14, 2010   Dec 22, 2010   Dec 25, 2010   Jan 4, 2011   Jan 5, 2011   Jan 11, 2011   Jan 12, 2011   Jan 16, 2011   Jan 17, 2011   Jan 18, 2011   Jan 22, 2011   Jan 23, 2011   Jan 25, 2011   Jan 26, 2011   Feb 1, 2011   Feb 14, 2011   Feb 15, 2011   Feb 18, 2011   Feb 19, 2011   Feb 21, 2011   Feb 24, 2011   Mar 25, 2011   Mar 26, 2011   Mar 27, 2011   Mar 28, 2011   Mar 31, 2011   Apr 4, 2011   Apr 8, 2011   Apr 14, 2011   Apr 19, 2011   Apr 20, 2011   Apr 24, 2011   May 7, 2011   May 16, 2011   May 17, 2011   May 19, 2011   May 20, 2011   May 22, 2011   May 23, 2011   May 24, 2011   Jun 1, 2011   Jun 14, 2011   Jun 16, 2011   Jun 23, 2011   Jun 29, 2011   Jul 16, 2011   Aug 5, 2011   Aug 9, 2011   Aug 10, 2011   Aug 11, 2011   Aug 19, 2011   Aug 20, 2011   Aug 24, 2011   Aug 25, 2011   Sep 6, 2011   Sep 11, 2011   Sep 20, 2011   Sep 28, 2011   Oct 12, 2011   Nov 6, 2011   Dec 1, 2011   Dec 3, 2011   Dec 9, 2011   Dec 21, 2011   Jan 3, 2012   Jan 4, 2012   Jan 10, 2012   Jan 11, 2012   Jan 21, 2012   Jan 23, 2012   Jan 25, 2012   Feb 1, 2012   Feb 6, 2012   Feb 13, 2012   Feb 14, 2012   Feb 17, 2012   Feb 22, 2012   Feb 24, 2012   Feb 27, 2012   Feb 29, 2012   Mar 5, 2012   Mar 8, 2012   Mar 11, 2012   Mar 17, 2012   Mar 22, 2012   Mar 27, 2012   Mar 31, 2012   Apr 4, 2012   Apr 6, 2012   Apr 8, 2012   Apr 10, 2012   Apr 13, 2012   Apr 17, 2012   May 4, 2012   May 6, 2012   May 30, 2012   Jun 5, 2012   Jun 11, 2012   Jun 13, 2012   Jun 20, 2012   Jun 29, 2012   Jul 1, 2012   Jul 16, 2012   Jul 18, 2012   Aug 6, 2012   Aug 8, 2012   Aug 10, 2012   Aug 12, 2012   Aug 22, 2012   Aug 24, 2012   Sep 10, 2012   Sep 11, 2012   Sep 22, 2012   Sep 28, 2012   Oct 5, 2012   Oct 18, 2012   Nov 12, 2012   Nov 13, 2012   Nov 20, 2012   Dec 9, 2012   Dec 17, 2012   Dec 20, 2012   Jan 4, 2013   Jan 9, 2013   Jan 11, 2013   Jan 13, 2013   Jan 19, 2013   Jan 20, 2013   Jan 30, 2013   Feb 1, 2013   Feb 4, 2013   Feb 7, 2013   Feb 9, 2013   Feb 18, 2013   Feb 22, 2013   Mar 1, 2013   Mar 12, 2013   Mar 21, 2013   Mar 26, 2013   Apr 1, 2013   Apr 3, 2013   Apr 18, 2013   Apr 22, 2013   Apr 27, 2013   Jun 18, 2013   Jun 27, 2013   Jul 4, 2013   Jul 7, 2013   Jul 8, 2013   Jul 11, 2013   Jul 15, 2013   Jul 22, 2013   Aug 11, 2013   Aug 23, 2013   Aug 27, 2013   Sep 5, 2013   Sep 10, 2013   Sep 14, 2013   Sep 19, 2013   Sep 30, 2013   Oct 23, 2013   Oct 27, 2013   Nov 21, 2013   Dec 7, 2013   Dec 17, 2013   Jan 1, 2014   Jan 2, 2014   Jan 5, 2014   Jan 9, 2014   Jan 15, 2014   Jan 16, 2014   Jan 23, 2014   Jan 28, 2014   Jan 29, 2014   Jan 30, 2014   Feb 8, 2014   Feb 11, 2014   Feb 14, 2014   Feb 17, 2014   Feb 22, 2014   Mar 9, 2014   Mar 18, 2014   Mar 20, 2014   Mar 28, 2014   Apr 6, 2014   Apr 8, 2014   Apr 16, 2014   Apr 21, 2014   May 1, 2014   May 5, 2014   May 15, 2014   May 17, 2014   Jun 1, 2014   Jun 4, 2014   Jun 12, 2014   Jun 13, 2014   Jun 30, 2014   Jul 25, 2014   Aug 9, 2014   Aug 20, 2014   Aug 27, 2014   Aug 29, 2014   Oct 1, 2014   Oct 14, 2014   Oct 25, 2014   Oct 27, 2014   Nov 4, 2014   Nov 28, 2014   Jan 2, 2015   Feb 1, 2015   Feb 15, 2015   Feb 19, 2015   Feb 23, 2015   Mar 4, 2015   Mar 5, 2015   Mar 9, 2015   Mar 11, 2015   Mar 13, 2015   Mar 22, 2015   Mar 29, 2015   Mar 30, 2015   Apr 12, 2015   May 1, 2015   May 15, 2015   May 25, 2015   Jun 8, 2015   Jun 10, 2015   Jun 24, 2015   Jun 25, 2015   Jul 25, 2015   Aug 14, 2015   Aug 25, 2015   Aug 28, 2015   Sep 25, 2015   Nov 18, 2015   Nov 21, 2015   Dec 22, 2015   Dec 26, 2015   Dec 31, 2015   Jan 11, 2016   Mar 19, 2016   May 1, 2016   Jun 11, 2016   Jul 9, 2016   Jul 19, 2016   Aug 18, 2016   Nov 11, 2016   Nov 19, 2016   Feb 20, 2017  

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Subscribe to Posts [Atom]